Pusspuss Hoang

"don't be mad at me, okay?"

so i don't know if you guys know this, but i have a cat... her name is pusspuss and i probably hold her in higher regard than i ever will of most of the people i know... my brother got her at the already golden age of 11 from the shelter based on the sole statement of a chick who worked there telling him that it wasn't worth getting her because they were going to put her down anyway... to put things into perspective, this was the time when i had my raging afro, he was with his THEN fiancee, and they had asked me to cat-sit for the weekend only to come back to find out that as the bratty-ass sister, i wasn't inclined to give pusspuss back because i had already fallen too deeply in love...

we fast-forward to now and she's 16 -- that's 85 in cat years and on the brink... i can't say death because i can't... her kidney infection has already spread to her liver and it's too incurable... there's absolutely nothing that i can do but to sit there and pray to the heavens that they'll make her okay... i think, fuckin who gives a shit about me, just fix her... i would trade places in a second, without question, because that's what you do when you love something so much... she didn't only become a fixture in the 5 years that she's lived here but also family... she's my baby and really, when it comes down to it, if she's not okay, then what matters in the world, i think... i give her the meds that the doc perscribed and she looks at me with such anger - you wouldn't understand until you've raised something, and i don't expect anyone to... she's my baby and all i want is her to be okay...

but the reality is that she isn't... and she won't be... and we know that it's only a matter of time... i can't do anything and i hate it... this is worst than the worst breakup, 209480942398 heartaches -- i'd give up my last relationship if it meant my baby would be okay... i would give up anything, everything...

a coworker laughed the other day when i told her i was sad cos she was sick -- his response "whatever, i'll buy you another cat to get over it" -- the response in my head "that's comparable to me saying that if your kid dies, you can just knock up another random whore"

nasty.

you play it, i'll play it harder. k, now im just drunk.

please pray that my baby heals... if anything, that's all i want.

Too many things going on in my head... Not enough things going on in my life... I ran into Marco a couple weeks ago at a club and together we decided to go off and talk, get closure, discuss things that happened in another time... He apologized for hurting me, I listened, he asked for friendship, I said no, he cried at that, we hugged and then parted ways... I'm not angry at him anymore, there's no more resentment... I haven't found anyone as great as him since and I'm not miserable... I like being on my own but I'm also open to all of it again... eh... That had to be one of the saddest nights of my life... The familiarity, love and comfort was still there but too many things have happened to allow him back into my life... I hope he figures his shit out... I just want him to be okay...

I had ostrich for the first time ever on Friday night... I knew it was a red meat but the taste blew me away... As if it had been soaked in rose petals all day -- that's the best way I can describe it really... I'd go back to that restaurant just to have it again... And where I'd go back is to the swank restaurant known as Fred's Not Here... Marco and I showed up late (totally his fault) and we were seated at a table with three of Jeannie's friends who I know in passing from Waterloo... Nice people but after a grueling work day of not doing anything, I wasn't really in the mood to talk... I guess I never really am with strangers but I felt out of my element... Awkward and sorta wishing I was eating my ostrich with my headphones on by lonesome... Thank the heavens Marco kept the conversation lively for the both of us...

I AM A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY, I AM!!!

So it's a few weeks later but here are two photos from my bday weekend with the bf...

Checking out the goods...

Covering what's hideous...

Marco took me to the Indiana Jones movie (thumbs down!!!), surprised me by a night at a sweet hotel (and yknow what ensued there, wink wink), followed by some teppanyaki (sp?) in Yorkville... It was a memorable weekend only to be surpassed next year, right??? Can't wait to see what is in store for my big 2-9!!! Whoa!!!

Sunday, Marco, his friend Dave and I hit up the SkyDome (it will always be known as the SkyDome to me) for some boozeball... Scalper tickets for the nosebleeds went for 3 for $20 so whoa!!! What a great start to a game I care nothing for!!! The nosebleed seats were amazing and I wish to always sit there... HAHA... Drinking 6 beers in a row is always fantastic and ignoring the boys' conversation on my left and cheering my head off everytime anyone (BlueJays or Cubs) got an out (is that the terminology???) was laughable... I took about 293749832 photos and if I wasn't so slacktastic I'd post them...

Another day maybe...

I'm bloated, tired and I feel like shit.

k, bye!